Long time no write… It’s a long’n’.

Monday July 21, 2008- 7:02pm my bedroom. 

 

Wow. I sit here bemused at the abject wonder Alain De Botton has instilled in me for the desire to become a modern day thinker.  His aptitude and seeming ease with which he lays the foundation to understanding many of the greats has me reeling back unable to decide whether to pop in one of the four kung-fu flicks or pick up one of the two Botton novels I just purchased. In Botton’s How Proust Can Change Your Life, he suggests that Proust identified a list of common ailments among “over reverent and over reliant” readers. Two of the maladies making the list are 1) making “oracles” of the authors and 2) being unable to write after finishing a good book. Astounding! Does he realize that was written for me? Have we met? Or is it possible that I am far more typical than I wish to admit?  I have two of Alain’s books that just arrived in the mail. He is the only author I wish to read at this time… Have I turned an author into a shaman? Or his books into the “Katie equivalent” to the Dead Sea Scrolls? Feeling comfortable to address him by his first name might be a hint. Check “yes” next to symptom #1.  The inability to write did certainly plague me after reading On Love, but that has certainly dissipated, and it has only been a week since I finished How Proust Can Change Your Life. This indicates a mild case of malady #2. Proust didn’t actually say for how long the symptom should last before you can call it a detriment… We had better keep an eye on this one.

 

Is it possible that I am far more typical than I wish to admit?

 

Being typical is a far different statement than being normal. Being typical suggests that I am in line with a particular set of standards for a type of person within a certain society, and that society may not be typical, allowing for my typification to be extraordinary. Where as, being “normal” is a much more ambiguous statement intent on wrapping humanity up in a pretty package ready for delivery to the main stream.  To be a typical writer, worker, wife, and friend seems so much more palatable, than a mundane life of being a “normal” anything. Being normal seems to me to be limiting, where in there is so much more room for “bodacity” within the typical. So if being typical is perceived by me as less than extraordinary, but is more extraordinary than say being “normal”, and it allows for growth into something positively stellar- then what is it that I strive to become? How much of this is semantics? Furthermore do I strive to be misunderstood? I feel like I do. Am I that person?  Right at this moment I feel like I am. Is perceiving that I am misunderstood really being misunderstood? Is being misunderstood really better than being understood? The mystery of being misunderstood captivates my imagination. I imagine that as I am writing this there is no one in the entire civilized world that can understand what it is that I am writing. I imagine that my dream of becoming a writer is the sort that is spawned from an intimate relationship with a pipe, and that I will post this on my blog and anyone that takes the time to read it will walk away with no return on their investment.  No. Not misunderstood, but rather I want to be perfectly understood. I think.

 

Kung Fu… kung fu… Why kung fu? I have a statement that might help some of you understand- “If you don’t know about kung fu, don’t try to understand kung fu, cause you won’t get kung fu.”- Unless of course you can approach it with an open mind.  Now for those of you that grasp what I just said then you are either familiar with the connotation associated with the phrase, or you understand the magic of kung fu flicks to titillate the imagination and inspire the mind to believe in the impossible. For those of you that understand neither let me try my best to explain.  Kung Fu is an art, a skill, a marriage of body and mind, and a ritualistic dance between all components of the action sequence. Most who watch a Bruce Lee film will sit bewildered at the power and precision with which he operates. I am confident he could have controlled the beads of sweat cascading down his body if he had only felt it important to do so.  Good or bad, how can there be a serious choice between a movie with bad dubbing versus an award winning author’s book you have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of?  There is someone out there that understands… I just know it. 

 

HA! There it is settled. I do not wish to be misunderstood, but rather perfectly understood. I want there to be another somebody out there whose tastes and interests align with my own. Is there anyone up for a philosophical discussion about Spirited Killer?  Or could begin to understand the need for both philosophy and bad kung fu in life? Anyone? Hellooooooo…. I think I may be alone on this one….

 

How do you know you made the right decision?

In a reply to a post on my last blog, I made mention of a person being in control of their choices and not necessarily the circumstances they find themselves in. Today I had the opportunity to test my own advice, and I am ecstatic to say I actually followed it. So what is this advice I gave myself? Without pouring into the details I will relay this event that solidified for me I am on the right path.

For the first time in my life I was completely aware of the two paths/choices that were laid down in front of me. It was as if I was wide awake actually participating in my life, and having a hand in how it plays out. To my left was a well beaten path, the way could be seen until it bent downward and became part of the horizon. It was bright and clear, truly inviting. To my right was the path I had been on. Unlike the path to my left, this path was uneven and a fog enveloped the ground. As I walked down this path, the sky was the color of the dawns first light peaking across the sky, turning the clouds and trees black, while contrasting in the most beautiful blue hue over the onyx sky. Traditionally, the dawn is a symbol of hope and a promise for a new beginning. The night is mischievous. It can make you think things you know aren’t true. It will make you feel things you know aren’t right. Shrouded in mystery, the night can be a cold and lonely place if you allow it to control you. The path to the right that was mixed light and dark was not an easy one, but one on which you travel through life with heightened senses. You hear what your mind and your soul are telling you more clearly than you have ever thought possible- if you choose to listen. You no longer see with natural eyes, but rather see with your heart- if you care to see differently. Closing my eyes, inhaling, and exhaling- I listened and I saw my life for what I wanted it to be for what I knew it could be. When I opened my eyes and looked to my left, what I had envisioned in my mind was my future, and it did not even so much as resemble what was revealed to me in reality. I knew then, instantly that I needed to press on, moving towards the dawn’s horizon, and allow the next traveler the opportunity to walk in the warmth and comfort of the sun. That path was not for me.

I don’t think I am capable of sufficiently expressing the overwhelming sense of pride in my decision to continue down the path less traveled. To make a goal and make priorities that allow you to progress towards making your life what you believe it can be is the best feeling I have ever experienced in my life. In some form or another we all face choices every day. Whether you need to decide to choose the fruit instead of fries, the highway instead of the back roads, or to stay in a particular relationship or move on, my advice to anyone who wants it is for you to make these decisions with an open heart and an open mind. Follow your heart and do what will make you happy. Be awake and alert, listen to your soul, see with your heart, and you will find solace in whatever path you choose. Participate in your life, you won’t regret it.

 

A little inspiration…

We all visit a place in life we call Crossroads. Some of us that are driven and focused on living with purpose get to break free from this place that breeds complacency and mediocrity. Many of us can live the better part of our lives in this place that is neither cold nor hot, neither draining nor fulfilling, neither dark nor light. A small number of us come across these crossroads several times in our lives, and too many of us never get to leave.

The first true Crossroads of my life felt like the world was passing me by. Where only in the depths of my soul could be revealed the inner ebbs and flows of a life full of joy, as well as iniquities. I was suspended in a motionless space where thoughts and memories had no vessel to contain them. There was no going forward in this place and there was no going back. It was as if I had washed down river and set up camp at the delta of the river of Life. My path had plunged into the the massive expanse in front of me, and upon disappearing from my view to know that path became what I longed for. It seemed as if the ocean separated me from it. There was no ship to carry me to my destination. From this camp I could see the horizon. The ambivalence of the time acted like a wall, and through the cracks I could see glimpses of my most fervent desires. It seemed so close, and yet so far. My soul ached for fulfillment and my mind longed to leave that delta.

With only thought and memory to accompany me, I plunged into the depths of the unknown to leave forever the horrid purgatory of the Crossroads I had come to know so intimately. Like a pilgrim I press forward today, with a destination of the horizon, on a path undetermined.

 

The conditions are just right for introspection…

It was warm this morning. The driveway was wet, I guess it rained last night. Thats not unusual for this time of year in this part of the country, but never the less this morning’s weather took me by suprise. I poured myself into my vehicle, set the radio to my favorite morning show, and started off to make my “daily contribution to the machine”. Half listenting to Mike and Mike, hosts of the morning program I listen to, I started wondering what events in their lives led them to where they are now.

Mike Greenberg started out as a columnist for a newspaper, and Mike Golic a football player. There are a lot of columnists and football players in the world, but not all of these columnists and football players acheive such success and recognition as Mike and Mike currently enjoy. What set them apart from their peers? What decisions did they make to get to where they are? While contemplating these questions I reflected upon myself. I thought about where I want to go in life. I thought about my mentor, Kellie, and her journey to where she is now, and where her current success will take her. What are the attributes all successful people have in common? Are great people born or are they made? Could I enjoy even a fracture of the same level of success as Mike and Mike or Kellie? I am sure I can. I am driven and focused. I have a plan, and I am following it. I have set my priorities and I am making strides to align my thoughts with those priorities. What else should I be doing?

I got a fortune cookie a while back and as expected, tucked neatly inside was a slip of paper. There was nothing different about this slip of paper from the many I have gotten before, but the fortune, this time, was very different. It read: “Focus on the journey, not the destination”. I never before felt like a piece of paper could speak to me, but this one did. I placed it in the change part of my wallet for safe keeping. I now have this indescript slip of paper nestled in the corner of a picture frame at my desk at work. Each day I look over and see it there, and it helps keep me fixed on my goal while reminding me to focus on the task at hand.

I will take away from this morning’s introspection this: I can be successful and acheive my goals so long as my mind is clear and focused and my actions directly impact my progress toward my goal.